Overcoming my biggest fears to get treatment for social anxiety disorder

You know those t-shirts that say “I was social distancing before it was cool?” For people with social anxiety disorder, this t-shirt is our life motto. 

I’ve always been more on the introverted and soft-spoken side, but the pandemic was a whole new level of social phobia. In a previous blog post, I went into detail about how the lockdown made my social anxiety a lot worse.

Yet as the world has opened back up (goodbye masks, hello music festivals!), I struggled with basic things like making eye contact, going grocery shopping and meeting new people — things that used to come easily pre-Covid. 

It became a bigger issue this winter, when I found it more and more difficult to leave the house. Around that same time, I learned I qualified for a new Social Anxiety program offered through the Ontario Structured Psychotherapy Program (OSP), a publicly funded, evidence-based, short-term therapy. Sign me up! 

Read on to see how the Social Anxiety program went and what I took away from the six therapy sessions. 

What was it like to get treatment for social anxiety disorder?

The structure of the OSP program worked really well for me. It was six phone sessions with a clinician who held me accountable, with the option of a booster session at a later date. She was super compassionate, caring and made me feel validated. 

The general gist of the program is that I received a workbook — The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook by Martin M. Anthony and Richard P. Swinson (Third Edition) — that we’d go through together. In advance of our sessions, I’d do readings and activities, then we’d de-brief on them. The key part  was putting everything I learned into action. 

I began by monitoring anxiety-inducing situations with a log, then created a hierarchy ladder of situations to test out. This included things like asserting myself, challenging someone’s opinion, going grocery shopping during busy times, making eye contact with strangers and purposely drawing attention to myself. (I was tempted to get these experiences over as quickly as possible, but the workbook pointed out that the longer and more frequent, the better!) 

I was frequently reminding myself of the benefits of overcoming my social anxiety, and being mindful that nobody is liked by everyone. No one is completely free of rejection and criticism. 

Learn more: Social Anxiety Disorder – Symptoms and Causes (Mayo Clinic)

What was the most difficult part of overcoming social anxiety?

Definitely the exposure experiments (which involves gradually confronting feared situations until they become more manageable). Pushing through the fear was the hardest part! We didn’t jump into this right off the bat, though. 

I started by learning more about social anxiety in general and the ways it presents itself in my life. I didn’t even realize that certain behaviours were actually keeping me locked in a social anxiety cycle— things like avoiding talking to people in authority, overcompensating for perceived deficits, and excessive checking and reassurance seeking. 

This excerpt on confronting feared situations and feelings from the workbook really stuck with me: “Rather than dwelling on questions like ‘What if I make a mistake?’ Or ‘What if I draw attention to myself?’ We suggestion that you try to answer them by purposefully making a mistake or purposefully drawing attention to your behaviour. In all likelihood, you will discover that nothing terrible happens.”

Learn more: So You Have Social Anxiety (Embracing Awkward)

Is there any link between social anxiety and eating disorders?

Short answer: Yes! The workbook discussed that social anxiety can be limited to certain social situations. For example, some people may only be socially anxious in a work environment. I imagine there are many people who have food-related social anxiety.

I used to believe that all my food choices were being judged and scrutinized by others, so I’d be very selective about what I ate in public. What’s helped me is realizing we care way more about our self-perception than others notice. 

Want to drink a smoothie on a Zoom call? Go for it! Feeling snacky on the train? Munch away! My ultimate end-goal is to go for a meal by myself in a familiar setting where I may possibly run into someone I know. Once I accomplish that, nothing can stop me. 

Learn more: Eating Disorders and Social Anxiety (VeryWell Mind)

Was there anything missing from the social anxiety program?

One thing that I would have loved to see covered more in-depth in the workbook is social anxiety around social media. This may be a more new-ish concept, but it would be great to have it included in the book’s next edition.

I often feel very, very self-conscious before posting on social media. I will re-read my posts a million times, making the most subtle tweaks to the language and being worried that I’ll come across in the wrong way. (You don’t even want to know how many times this blog post was reviewed and edited!). 

Learn more: How to Use Social Media if You Have Social Anxiety (Psyche) 

How can we help individuals with social anxiety feel more comfortable?

Well, first of all, it can be difficult to tell if someone has social anxiety. It also exists on a continuum, ranging in intensity from person-to-person. People that know me well would never have guessed I was affected. 

I’ve mentioned this in my other blog post on social anxiety, but whenever possible, try to check in on someone before making social plans to see where their comfort level is at post-lockdown. 

For me, I started with smaller gatherings and gradually worked my way up to *gulp* attending a conference. This was huge, especially considering that only a few months ago I was nervous being around people I knew well, never mind complete strangers. 

Getting rid of the mask mandate was a scary situation for me, since the mask was one of my safety behaviours that made me feel protected, invisible and free from appearance-based judgement. I’ve learned the less we judge ourself, the less (perceived) judgement we feel from others. 

Learn more: One Year Into My Social Anxiety Diagnosis

My clinician liked to remind me that the point was never to fully eliminate anxiety (that would be impossible!), but rather to make it more manageable.

In a similar way to eating disorder recovery, treatment for social anxiety disorder is never finished. I need to keep putting myself out there, making those awkward phone calls and getting out of my head into the real world. Now that I’ve gained the evidence that I can accomplish those things (and maybe they’re not as bad as I think), I’m ready to face my fears. 

It’s also comforting to know social anxiety is more common than we think and I’m not alone. According to Statistics Canada, social anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders in Canada, with rates between 8 and 13 per cent.

We may as well throw on our “I was social distancing before it was cool” t-shirts and start a club together. Who’s with me?

Has social anxiety impacted your life at all? What has helped make you feel better?